I thought I saw a sparkle in your eyes,
And could it be to my pleasant surprise,
That I'm the one you are now aiming for,
I wish you'd let them sparkle like that more.
For me, all it takes is that single glance,
To suggest we've got a chance at romance,
I know you can tell by my downcast eyes,
That in my stomach I've got butterflies.
Wrapping your arms around me am I just,
A best friend or an object of your lust,
My heart gets caught between the want and real,
Because you've never told me how you feel.
As I confess to you out my love pours,
And every last ounce of it I am yours.
14 comments:
Keola...
your sonnet was... i don't even know how to describe it!! your words were so touching, it had a lot of fluidy and the rhymes made the sonnet enjoyable to read... what may make it even better is if you put in metaphors to describe how you feel.. your sonnet is so honest, that's what makes it so touching.
Ah! Even though I already read it earlier, it almost made me cry!
Even though the rhyming scheme isn't right for a sonnet, i loved it!!!
You rock!
Keola! you are an incredible person. Your so talented with words and you are amazing at school and you still manage to go to nationals for gym. Your sonnet really touched me! -Katherine
keola that was super deep. I thought that the last line was super good, with the im yours in it
It sounds and shows that you put a lot of time into it and it makes the reader want to not stop reading it.
conley
that was a really good sonnet keola. I this that you should've shared it in class. you really put your heart and soul into this.
Hello Keola. Nice sonnet. I can see that you don't have a thyming problem nor a syllable problem, so good job. What I liked the most was how you wrote this sonnet in a classical form (sonnets are actually suppossed to be romantic). Nice sonnet. Definately one of the best ones I've read so far.
-the nut
keola! your sonnet was really great from the start that you didnt need to really change anything! Great vocab choices and rhyming pattern (aabb ccdd, etc. ) They are different from most sonnets i read. your a wonderful writer!
-rachel f.
this is a really good sonnet. i think that at the end of your second line in the third stanza you can add a question mark:
A best friend or an object of your lust? other than that its really good.
-traci
I really feel like I can watch these two people and the narrator's nervous moves. This was wonderful! Serious talent.
cool sonnet ya this was a fun sonnet to read it had good descriptive stuff you made it flow
The rhyming was a little off, but that's not much of a problem. Your sonnet was very emotional and romantic, and uses some nice descriptions and words to describe it. The flow of your sonnet really reflects your personality in real life. A great sonnet.
Great poem Keolamau! You were great with descriptions and very to the point, making most of the ten syllables in each lines. What I would suggest for such a great poem is to have a even better ending. Your couplet seemed to be quite plain and you didn't seem to have your heart in it. Try to have more of a bang for your ending.
Ethan
I'm sure i already said this, but i positively love this sonnet! It explores the flipside of love and is very relatable in its message. great job!
-STEPH
I love your sonnet.You have very good word choice i must admit. I like how you used metaphors and other things like that to describe the stuff. Its really good!
Ashley
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