Sonnet Analysis
I thought I saw a sparkle in your eyes,
And could it be to my pleasant surprise,
That I'm the one you are now aiming for,
I wish you'd let them sparkle like that more.
For me, all it takes is that single glance,
To suggest we've got a chance at romance,
I know you can tell by my downcast eyes,
That in my stomach I've got butterflies.
Wrapping your arms around me am I just,
A best friend or an object of your lust,
My heart gets caught between the want and real,
Because you've never told me how you feel.
As I confess to you out my love pours,
And every last ounce of it I am yours.
In life, sometime or another, most people find themselves in the position of really caring for someone and not knowing exactly how that person feels about them.
I myself have personally had this happen, and I know that I have been on the other side also, where someone has feelings for me though they aren’t mutual. The first stanza of my poem attempts to describe that moment where you think there could be something going on, and because it’s only for that quick second, you wish it would happen more often. That one moment teases you, possibly suggesting that they’ve got something for you, or on the other hand that you misinterpreted the spark for something that you would like it to be. The third line in the first stanza “That I’m the one you are now aiming for,” talks about the persons past love interests. It can be really discouraging to be interested in someone especially after they’ve just had a serious relationship or a falling out of one. You don’t know whether they’re ready to move on, or are still stuck on a former love.
The second stanza in my sonnet expresses the feeling of sparks flying. I tried to describe those crazy games that eyes and hearts can play without words ever being spoken. Butterflies and nervous giggles usually accompany a pounding heart, and you find yourself oblivious to everything going on around you, except for that special person. I used “I know you can tell by my downcast eyes,” to show that insecurity and feeling of vulnerability that caring about someone can bring. The fact that you are too shy to really talk to them, and spend more time looking at their feet because you like them too much to look them right in the eyes.
In my third stanza, I wanted to show that confusion that being sweet on a best friend brings. When they hug you ,and your heart skips a beat, you begin to wonder if their heart skips a beat too, or are they thinking that they are giving their best friend a hug and that is simply all. It’s easy to get confused by their actions especially if you are close friends. What actions are friendly and more than friendly? The line of friendship can be so fuzzy at times. Your heart wants one thing but it’s often not what’s actually going on. That’s why I used the third line “My heart gets caught between the want and real.” The last line “Because you’ve never told me how you feel,” expresses the frustration of not knowing if there is anything going on and how they feel about you. I think it would be much better if they straight out told you that you were strictly friends, than leading you on to think that the more than friends thing could work out. Not knowing leaves you holding on to something that may be false. In the end, if they can’t feel the same way then all that time waiting for them to feel the same way is wasted, and you could have found someone else in that time instead.
In the last two lines, I wanted it to end with a confession. I wanted to close with the author telling their friend exactly how they feel. The confession of telling someone how much you care about them and that down to every last drop of life, love and soul in entirety is theirs. It would be liberating and hopefully the person receiving this confession of the heart would feel the same way.
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2 comments:
The beginning of your sonnet is good, it starts off the sonnet sort of mysteriously. Your sonnet, although it uses a different rhyming scheme, is still very strong and emotional.
When you say "I myself have personally" in the sonnet, the words "myself" and "personally" are there for the same reason, so one should be taken out. The sentence that starts with "The first stanza" gets slightly confusing near the end, try explaining it more. The description "falling out" in your first paragraph doesn't seem to fit the sentence well, use "separating" or "dropping out of"
In your second paragraph, you don't really specifically describe "sparks flying" that much, maybe you could work on that. The rest of your second paragraph is very good though.
For your third paragraph you talk about several things that are confusing. When you use the phrase "simply all", it could have several meanings, so you might want to elaborate on that. Also, the sentence that starts off with "What actions are" is slightly confusing with the way you word it. And you should describe the feeling of frustration more, it doesn't seem like you had this feeling when I read that line in the sonnet.
Your last paragraph about the sonnet was generally good, so no complaints there. I think you could possibly add another paragraph, one that is like a conclusion and/or summary of the whole analysis, to end it nicely and clearly.
Overall, your sonnet was very nice to read and your analysis was descriptive and powerful. I found it hard to find flaws in some parts of your analysis because it was done so well.
-Jeff
P.S. I apologize for getting this in late. I was confused about this analysis on the day that we had to do it, and thought it was only for extra credit. Anyways, I hope this will help you out a little with your sonnet.
Grade: 97/100. Your analysis was for the most part very thorough and well done, and there were practically no grammatical errors. It was a very nice job overall and you can tell that there was much effort put into it, so I think you deserve this grade.
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